Adapted from Wrestling Through Adversity

Miscarriages of Justice

Last year it was particularly egregious to witness the maternal death of women after having a miscarriage. While telling their stories of miscarriage in plain view, we could all see them on TV. Other women were being interviewed by newspaper reporters and on the radio. Even husbands of those who had miscarriages and witnessed their wives’ travail spoke up for them.

Since I am a mom who had four traumatic miscarriages, an RN, and a peak performance coach, it was particularly heart wrenching for me to witness. All my miscarriages occurred in the  20^th century, long after Roe v. Wade and long before the Dobbs decision that stripped away the constitutional right of privacy and bodily autonomy, even for women miscarrying.

In 2024 when these reported miscarriages of justice were occurring, I empathized with these women, but others did not. In fact, some were scorned by the protesting crowds as they tried to pass the barriers into maternal healthcare centers. One such woman, Marlena Stell, I referenced in my book: Wrestling Through Adversity (pp.182-183). She was called a baby killer in a state that banned “abortion,” when she attempted to enter a facility to have a Dilatation and Curettage (D&C) to remove the remains of her dead fetus for her safety.

The fact is that women who miscarried and were banned from having a D&C have died from this medieval torture. Since they cannot speak for themselves, or for their living children, I speak for them here in the hope of developing an action plan to protect such women in the future.

I, for one, question the cruelty of US society that supposedly values the sanctity of life for people of all ages, including pregnant women, and ask why we continue to prohibit the use of evidence-based medical protocols to save women’s lives during miscarriages.

How utterly ignorant are members of our society, both male and female, to mistreat women of childbearing age who are miscarrying with such disrespect as to suggest that they caused the so-called “abortion” when they welcomed pregnancy and are mourning their loss, as in Stell’s case.

These Truths are Self-Evident

Often ignored by grossly unaware politicians, Supreme Court Justices, and religious zealots are the following truths, which show that miscarriages are not the fault of women:

1. Miscarriage is a natural phenomenon that can occur in up to 30 percent of pregnancies. It is Nature’s way to rid a mother of an embryo that has genetic abnormalities.
2. Miscarriage called an “involuntary” or spontaneous abortion occurs after the fetus dies or is dying, which is beyond the control of women, as in my case.
3. “Voluntary” abortion is often mixed up with miscarriage in that it is used to terminate a living fetus with consent.
4. The term “abortion” is confusing to the public eye because the same medical procedure of D&C is used for both.
5. In the case of an incomplete miscarriage, a D&C is used to prevent infection and a disorder called disseminated intravascular coagulation that occurs when the retained products of conception breakdown and enter the circulation, with the risk of death or sterility.
6. In the Catholic Church, St. Gianna, the saint for our times, was canonized in 2004 for her heroism in being willing to die for her child. Women today are called to emulate her.

You would think that since my traumatic childbearing experiences of miscarriages at the end of the last century that we would have advanced knowledge and technology on how to prevent death of those who are miscarrying, but the US lags behind Russia, Canada, and other developed countries being ranked the highest in maternal morbidity, and the rates are rising.

You may ask: Why is this occurring in the US in the 21^st century? Why are we using draconian methods that cause pregnant women to feel pain and bleed to death, without the aid of modern medical treatment and without even questioning what it would feel like if you were in their shoes.

One of the things I will highlight here to make my point is that as of November 6, 2024, a total abortion ban has been implemented in 13 states. Some of these states are landlocked, which necessitates a woman who is having a miscarriage to travel many miles to reach a safe haven in one without such restrictions. This brutal scenario causes physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional scars on their psyches. How do I know this? Well, listen to my story about my miscarriages that I have provided as outlined in my book to find out why I think this is crazy.

When I had my first miscarriage in the bathroom off the main lobby of an assisted care facility in the South Bronx, I worked as a visiting nurse at age 27. I did not feel well with severe cramps, and I started to bleed profusely. After an hour or so, I just flushed the toilet filled with dark red blood and, although the cramps persisted, I visited my scheduled patients in the building. I believed I had caused a miscarriage from a skiing accident in Vermont the holiday weekend prior. In those days there were no at-home pregnancy tests, so you had to go to a doctor to confirm it.

I remember the pain, and afterwards I went home on the subway alone. Standing up in a crowd of people, I tried to block it out and not cry. I never told anyone, not even my husband, because I blamed myself, and it was taboo to talk about it. I cannot imagine how dreadful it is for women today to have to cross state lines many miles away when they are miscarrying, and they do not have the means to do so.

The second miscarriage occurred months later at work while carrying a 14-pound medical bag on my shoulder up the subway stairs. I started bleeding and went home following the doctor’s orders. I was really scared, and I woke up at night when I felt the fetus separate from my womb inside me and ran to the bathroom, while hemorrhaging copious amounts of blood into the toilet. My husband rushed me to the hospital for a D&C. I was hemorrhaging on the sidewalk.

Just imagine if I had to travel miles to prevent death because of a miscarriage and no treatment is permitted to save my life and no doctor would dare to help me for fear of a prison sentence.

Some months later, I was pregnant again when the third miscarriage occurred. It took place after I moved to another state and away from the stressful job at the VNS. I was enjoying a dinner with guests, when I noticed I was bleeding. I went to my doctor who prescribed bedrest, and that night I miscarried onto my mattress, making a huge blood stain on it. I had a D&C. Now I was referred to as a habitual abortor. Today this is called recurrent abortion.

I desperately wanted to have a full-term baby and was losing hope, but I decided to visit a GYN doctor on Long Island, NY, and travel from New Jersey alone to visit him. He examined me and ordered testing. The only thing he could do for me, he said, was to prescribe a toxic drug Diethylstilbestrol (DES) so my babies would go full-term. As an RN, I knew, and he did too, that this drug caused cancer in mothers and offspring in “DES babies,” which actually occurred, so I ripped up the prescription and decided to go it on my own, for if others could have babies, so could I.

During my fourth pregnancy at three months, I was petrified at night that I would miscarry in my bed and could not sleep, so I developed what I call  an “Expectant Mind” and “fertility consciousness,” and I learned how to meditate and to relax with self-hypnosis. I also improved my healthy diet and took supplements.

Six months later, I gave birth to a 9 lb. 3 oz. healthy boy, and I was in Seventh Heaven. Two years later I had a daughter. However, during my 6^th pregnancy, I thought I was miscarrying with bleeding again, but when I went to the ER, the doctor said I was not. After that I went home and miscarried into the toilet the next morning. I screamed when my husband scooped out the fetus for proof. Still, the doctor was adamant I was not pregnant until the lab tests showed I was. I cried when I found out and was upset that I did not have a chance to baptize my baby that was thrown in the trash.

The Truth Will Set You Free

After success, I persisted with two more pregnancies and had two daughters, totaling four children on a ten-year journey. However, for years afterwards, because I never grieved the miscarriages, I found myself waking up at night and crying on their anniversary dates. That is, until I had a D&C years later for vaginal spotting, used imagery as a hypnotherapist to rid myself of the trauma, and visited a butterfly garden in my mind to free my lost babies and to say how much I loved them. This freed me as well and helped me to heal permanently so I can talk to you about it today.

I never found out why I had four miscarriages, but perhaps you will with today’s innovative testing.

What are the ramifications for societies who blame women who have miscarried? One, for sure, is that they will give up attempting pregnancies in the future, which will ultimately impact world economies, like in China today. However, on a personal level, my concern is that women who have miscarried will give up their power, lose hope, and never bounce back.

For these women, I want to say that you do not have to be a canonized saint or a hero and die against your will from medical negligence. I am sorry for your miscarriage and for mistreatment but know there is hope for you in 2025 of holding your baby in your arms, just like me. What is imperative, however, is that you have faith that you can be healed, like the hemorrhaging woman who touched the cloak of Jesus, that you have an Expectant Mind, and that you believe in yourself.

To learn more, visit my website: Idealperformance.net to view my program: Metamorphosis: Fertility Enhancement Coaching, read my book, Wrestling Through Adversity, Chapter 7, and check out The Young Navigator and my video titled: “Create Your Dream Baby with Mindpower.”