This is the fifth blog that addresses the content of my free e-book, “Unlocking Your Child’s Potential: Six-Game Changing Points for Sports Success.” It aims at helping children to have fun and to use their innate Mind Power for sports success with parental guidance.

Recently, as a peak performance coach, I worked with a 17-year-old wrestler who will be a senior in high school next fall. At the end of the previous wrestling season, he had lost faith in himself and his ability to win when he succumbed in a match that both he and others thought he should have won. At that time, he questioned his ability to win. During the match he experienced a fight-or-flight response and could not focus on what to do to score. Like Elvis Presley expressed in his famous song, “I’m All Shook Up,” the wrestler felt his legs shaking and his knees weakening, and he could hardly stand on his own two feet.

Soon after the first visit to my office, where he learned the first step of Mindful Toughness, “Breathing Easy,” that helped him relax and focus, he attended a tournament and won matches handily. He said he felt great. Upon his return to my office for his second visit, we worked on  his plans of action and his wrestling moves in neutral, bottom, and on top position. We reviewed how to perform his preferred takedown on his feet and how to access his Mind Power by overcoming potential barriers.

I taught him self-hypnosis and mental rehearsal, which involves seeing, hearing, and feeling himself score. Then I encouraged him to use it during an imaginary match where I brought him to the mat in the zone, and he took down his opponent in his mind’s eye with the wrestling move we had practiced. After this he saw himself score in all three positions, pinned his opponent, and won the match. I gave him a post-hypnotic suggestion that he was a winner. When he opened his eyes at the end of the session, he exclaimed with delight: “I see my moves so clearly now, and I scored. It was easy.”

After his exclamation, he bounced up from my office recliner, shook my hand, smiled, and left my office saying,” I love wrestling. I can’t wait to go to practice tonight and have fun.”  His response made me feel good because I helped him to enjoy his sport more, which gave him the encouragement to improve his scoring on the mat during his next tournament.

What’s fun got to do with it?

My client’s scenario can serve as a reminder of why fun is important in playing sports, according to experts who say it:

• Increases participation and retention in sports
• Improves skill development with enhanced focus and persistence
• Promotes mental health, overall wellbeing, and enjoyment
• Boosts self-esteem and confidence
• Provides opportunities for socialization and teamwork
• Relieves stress and promotes a positive outlook in life

What happens when parents overpressure their children to win-at-all-costs?

Parents can have a proud moment when their child wins in sports, but too much pressure to win could be problematic, according to sports psychologist, Dr. Max Trennery. He stated that pressuring kids too much can lead to them wanting to quit competing in sports altogether. By the time teens reach 13, they often turn off to sports if they feel their skill level doesn’t match their parents’ expectation.

Often times on Little League teams, such as in baseball and soccer, coaches and parents forget about their kids having fun and are influenced by professional leagues with their win-at-all-costs mentality and with their verbiage that focuses on “killing, annihilation, and beating of opponents,” without putting the student-athlete first. Parents forget that kids just want to have fun. This puts our young people at risk for low self-esteem, anxiety, and burnout by the time they reach their teen years, which is a waste of talent, and it defeats the purpose of why kids want to play sports.

An example of too much pressure

An example of how coaches and parents can destroy the fun of playing sports is the following case story. A nine-year-old client, who was a wrestler, did not want to participate in national competitions because it made him feel nervous. After several sessions teaching him Mindful Toughness® skillsets, such as self-hypnosis, Breathing Easy, relaxation exercises, mental rehearsal, and positive-self-talk, he was open to attending a national tournament some distance from his home. He reported that the overall experience was positive for him in that he won most of his matches, had the opportunity to travel, and met new friends and teammates with whom he empathized with and supported during the tournament.

However, as soon as he arrived back in their wrestling room, his father and coach began to scold his son, stating that he should have won the match he lost and that he did not try  hard enough.

With these actions, the student-athlete clammed up, would not talk or wrestle, and refused to go to the gym. It was fortunate for him that we continued our sessions and that I worked with his parents to optimize success in more harmony with their son’s needs. From this point on he excelled, winning many championships and becoming a high school State Champ, by using his innate Mind Power, high intelligence, and work ethic. He kept up his standards of excellence academically as well, and, years later, he graduated from an Ivy League college.

Kids are naturally fun loving

Indeed, when kids were asked what their priorities are when playing sports, whether it be in a recreational youth program on competitive sports teams, or even at gym class in school, it was unanimous that it should be fun! Other reasons young people have for participating in the sports arena is that it is a good place to make new friends, to set goals and reach them, and to learn new skills, such as focusing. We, as adults, should keep in mind these reasons but we should also know that the purpose of the competition is to win so we should prime our kids to do so as seen in the following video.

Sports psychologists suggest that parents should:

• Leave coaching to the coach
• Form a safety net, by helping their children prepare and develop good sports habits when they’re young
• Let their children talk about their performances on their own terms
• Permit them to compete when and how they choose
• Make sure they feel connected to something bigger than themselves in their team.

Learn more

You can learn more about my peak performance coaching practice on my website, https://www.idealperformance.net and about my book: Wrestling Through Adversity: Empowering Children, Teens, & Young Adults To Win In Life, on https://www.drchristinesilverstein.com.

The book is available on Amazon in paperback, Kindle and Audiobook. It contains other case stories of interest from my practice and details on how to use Mindful Toughness® skillsets to improve your performance and meet your goals.

I invite you to follow me on my Facebook page, The Summit Center for Ideal Performance and subscribe to my educational YouTube channel, The Young Navigator, to meet me face-to-face. Please download my free eBook: Unlocking Your Child’s Potential: Six Game-Changing Pointers for Sports Success.