Adapted from: Wrestling Through Adversity

Even well-meaning parents—those who care about their teens—feel frustrated, furious, and sometimes fearful about their futures. As their children grow up to become teenagers, there seems to be an impasse in communication, and parents are in a quandary as to what to do to aid them in growing up healthy, happy, and productive as citizens of the world. Part of the challenge is that our teens are just that. In other words, they are betwixt and between young adulthood and childhood and experience an immense growth spurt of the brain before they have a fully operating adult brain at around the age of 25.

No easy pass on the highway

In the following passage, I will give you an example of a case story to explain a challenge between a father and son on the highway to success from a neuroscientific point of view of teen brain development and how it affects peak performance.

A teen client of mine at 17 had just gotten his driver’s license, and he borrowed his father’s car for the first time to meet with his friends. Riding separately in another car, his friends suggested that they go onto a tolled highway. Even though my client felt uneasy, he followed his friends and arrived at a toll both without “Easy Pass” (electronic entry) and without the adequate sum of coins to pay the toll. Since he did not want to go through the toll booth without paying, he reached into his pocket and stuffed dollar bills into the coin-only toll machine instead.

Some weeks later, he and his father discussed this incident in my office because his dad had to pay a penalty fee for going through the toll, and he was upset. His father asked his son, “What were you thinking when going through the toll? Didn’t you ever see me pay the toll before you got your license?” His son looked back at his dad and explained that he wanted to be responsible, and he felt his friends would think him foolish, so he opted to pay by dollar bills. His father, who lacked an   understanding of the power of peer pressure in his son’s teen brain, implied he was stupid by what he had done.

To compound the issues for teens, the growth of social skills in brain regions and uncontrolled emotionality outpaces that of higher-level reasoning. These misunderstandings between teens and parents that arise are numerous because adults in American culture believe that on one day 17-year-olds are “children” and the very next day, while celebrating their 18^th birthdays, those same persons become young adults ready for battle in war or in life, without the proper training.

What—no instruction manual?

Since my four children did not come with instruction manuals, I did not know what to do when they became teenagers, so I had to learn. Personally, I recall those days well, when I had to deal with their teenage needs and anxieties that they were having in sports, school, socially, and in music. There were issues with their performance and body image, and I could not find anyone to assist them to help them help themselves. So, I took the basic knowledge I had gained in my life as an RN and person, and studied peak performance coaching, while learning mind-body techniques and hypnotherapeutic interventions I call Mindful Toughness® skillsets to help them grow, which took place at the end of the 20^th century.

However, today, in the 21^st century, we have a plethora of knowledge about the teen brain’s growth and development, and understanding the neuroscience of it could help everyone cope better with adolescence, from teenagers themselves, to parents, carers, coaches, and teachers. I am sharing this knowledge with you now because wouldn’t it be reassuring  to know that these changes taking place in your teens’ mind, brain, and body are perfectly normal, even if they’re hard to handle?

How brain maturity comes about

It might surprise you that the most significant change taking place in a teen brain is not the growth of brain regions per se. Nor is it the expansion of the skull, but it is the increase in communications among groups of neurons and linkages between the left and right hemispheres of the brain from the ages of 12-30 years when connections between certain brain regions become stronger. (See diagram “Greater Networking Brings Maturity” with black lines getting thicker and green circles getting larger.) This growth helps the brain to specialize in complex thinking to being socially adept.

Contributing factors for risky behaviors

Neuroscientists indicate that the riskiest behaviors arise from a mismatch between maturation of the networks in the brain, which is turbo-boosted globally during earlier puberty, with increased hormonal production between the ages of 10-12 years of age. The growth of the limbic system in the brain, (See diagram “Emotion vs. Control”), which drives emotions of teens in the amygdala, is countered by the lagging growth in the prefrontal cortex.

Since the development of the prefrontal cortex promotes sound judgment, planning, control of impulses, and executive functioning, teens are more prone to risky behaviors because of a 10-15 year-lag. This mismatch in development of teen brain regions causes vulnerabilities, such as substance use disorders, mental disorders, depression, anxiety, homicides, and suicides and other liabilities, especially when coping skills are lacking.

No safe place to hide

Teens today grew up with the fear of terrorism, especially since the 9/11 attack in 2001. There are school shootings of kindergarteners through to college students. These mass murders take place at concerts, movies, bowling alleys, clubs, places of worship, and businesses. There is no place that is safe for children and teens to grow up. In addition to this, we have cyberbullying and high-speed Internet, where teens can access information about almost anything, that is, copy-cat crimes and joining gangs. Teens live in a competitive world where perfection is expected in social situations, with school grades, and in sports. Teens develop fears and phobias they cannot readily rid themselves of and are not taught coping strategies to handle multiple stressors.

Saving grace for teens

As a parent, you may feel a little overwhelmed hearing all these challenges that your teen has that are actually “normal” according to neuroscientists. However, there is a saving grace to all this growth and development of the teen brain. A major feature of their amazing brains is changeability and plasticity, which is the ability to adapt. This allows teens to change in response to the environment by modifying the communication networks that connect brain regions. Making many links in their brains helps them make enormous strides in thinking and visualization and in understanding metaphors and imagery, so they can better navigate a complex world.

Studies of intelligence, perception, and memory show that teens are superior to adults in many ways. I find in my work as a coach, they are very smart but also very anxious. They don’t know how capable they are because no one ever taught them how to use the power of their mind. Once they learn these techniques, like Mindful Toughness ® skillsets, such as self-hypnosis, Breathing Easy, mental rehearsal, positive self-talk, and mental recall, like what I teach, they can take off and grow.

Here’s how parents can align with teens in harmony

• Remind your teens that they are smart, competent, and resilient.
• Discuss the consequences of their actions and give them a chance to problem-solve what they can do to help themselves.
• Become familiar with things that are important to them to show them you care.
• Make it emotionally safe for them by asking your teens if they want you to respond when they come to you, or if they just want you to actively listen.
• As role models, parent your teens by example.
• Establish clear boundaries to help them feel secure and protected.
• Show them love unconditionally.
• Seek out professional coaches, like me, that teach them how to use the innate power of their minds through a whole-brained approach that enhances brain development and social relevance in today’s stress-filled world.

Benefits of empowering teens

Teenagers ask me: “Why didn’t anyone ever tell me about Mind Power before?”

They enjoy learning the benefits of new, portable mind-body skillsets that are hands-on and work well to help them achieve their goals. This encourages them to excel throughout their teen years and for the remainder of their lives as seen in a testimonial from a two-time State high school wrestling champion I worked with who said after winning: “My mind is steel. I can be the champ at anything.”

At a time of growth and development of the brain, teens have the opportunity to craft their own identities and optimize their brains according to their choice that is different in the 21^st from their parent’s lives of the past. To gain a measure of control over their lives, teens can decrease anxiety  and negative effects of stress holistically on the body, mind, and spirit, making for creativity and productivity. They can also avoid the vulnerability of risk-taking and all the perils that may come with a growing brain, such as SUD, mental disorders, and suicide. However, with the assistance of parents, guardians, and other carers, the greatest benefit is that teens can learn to promote their own mental health through primary prevention and use their amazing brains to the fullest.

To learn more about how to help your teens, view my YouTube video “Do Kids Come with Instruction Manuals for Parents?,” seek out research on the teen brain, read my book, Wrestling Through Adversity: Empowering Children, Teens, & Young Adults to Win in Life available on Amazon, view the playlist “Winning Ways for Teens” on my YouTube Channel, The Young Navigator, and visit my websites: idealperformance.net and drchristinesilverstein.com.